The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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