I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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