she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
