dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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