Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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