some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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