Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
