I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
