I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
