We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
