And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
