Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
