i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
