Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
