that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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