My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
