Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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