lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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