I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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