end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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