there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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