He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
