i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
