Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
