Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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