Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
