If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
