I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
