whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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