you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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