the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
