Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
