Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
