I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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