I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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