I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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