Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
