U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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