Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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