Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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