woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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