did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
