My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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