Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
