yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
