Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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