i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
