I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
