I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
