If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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