Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
