My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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