No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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