Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
