Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
