margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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