used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
