is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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