2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
