she told me i tasted like america
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
