Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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