i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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