3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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