just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize